Glenn Quagmire
Story Glenn Quagmire ("Quagmire" for short) is the sex-crazed pervert neighbor of the Griffins who is obsessed with Peter's wife, Lois. "Handsome" Quagmire is a former member of the U.S. Navy, which is where he met Peter. He currently works as an airline pilot. Quagmire is 5 feet, 6 inches tall and currently resides at 29 Spooner Street, Quahog, Rhode Island. He has pictures of Lois in his house, including on the inside of his closet door. He was once arrested for peeping on Lois in the girls' bathroom. He once said that if he could be with any woman in the world, he would choose Taylor Hanson, not realizing that Taylor Hanson is actually a guy. During a stint on the Bachelorette, Quagmire brought the Bachelorette to his mother's, where he wanted a three-way with them. This hint at an incestous relationship with his mother could answer several questions about Quagmire's sexual obsessions (though raising many more). Glenn is often seen saying 'all right' while rocking his head back and forwards in an amusing way. He was also briefly married to a maniac named Joan. She died after clutching onto Death's arm. Quagmire is currently a widower, although this is no problem for him, as he can now get it on with more girls, without having to worry about cheating. He has a thing for feet. According to the Las Vegas CD, Quagmire has had sex with at least 600 women. He also occasionally visits the local prison so he can have sex with the female prisoners. Aside from Stewie, Glenn seems to be the fans second favorite character. He has a son in Madrid, Spain (despite claiming never to have had sex with a Spanish woman). He resembles his dear old dad, But with a snappy mustache. He also seems to be a registered sex offender. When lois was running for mayor he asked her " What rights would sex offenders get?" Though no one seemed to figure this out. In Emission Impossible when Peter and Lois asked Quagmire to watch their kids, he agreed, but began to say, "In accordance with Megan's Law, I'm required to inform you that" before cutting himself off and accepting the children anyway. Megan's Law is a law in the United States that requires law enforcement to make information concerning registered sex offenders publicly available. Memorable Quotes *"OH" *"Hey, I have a question for you too, why are you still here?" *"Giggity." (possibly the most recognizable and most infamous catchphrase on the show; often followed by repeated "Giggitys" and then a "Goo.") *"All Right." *"Mellie Nuff is gay." *"If I could change the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together." *"You must be the parking ticket, cos' you got fine written all over you." *"Fat chicks need love too... but they gotta pay!" *"What's all the noise, boys?, I was just jerk....in' out of a sound sleep." *"I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through." *"Well, hel-Lois! Forgive me for pointing." *"Does this look like a Q to you?" (while showing Peter his penis) *"Dear diary--Jackpot!" *"I've never been with a Spanish chick before... Olé!" (note that when he said this, Glenn was actually having sex with Tricia Takanawa, who is Japanese.) *"Chech, chech, awwwww right" *Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute. Quagmire: Fifty bucks. Auctioner: She had nine STDs. Quagmire: Forty-five bucks. Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself. Quagmire: Fifty bucks. *"Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time." (after getting his penis stuck in a window) *"What the hell is CPR?"" *"I got a question for you too - why are you still here?" (after a woman in Quagmire's bed had just asked him what he does for a living) *Peter: If you could be with any woman in the world, who would it be? Quagmire: Taylor Hanson. Joe Swanson: Taylor Hanson is a guy. Quagmire: Laughs You guys are yankin' me. "Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire." Peter: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire. Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible. Pause Quagmire: Oh God. Oh my God. I've got all these magazines. Oh God. *"Hello, and welcome to another edition of Midnight Q. Tonight we're gonna enjoy some jazz from Charles Mingus. Norman Mailer's here to read an excerpt from his latest work. And we also have a girl from Omaha hiding a banana. We're gonna find out where. Giggity giggity. Giggity goo. Stick around." *"Here's to the Drunken Clam, where they don't ask for proof of age and neither do I!" *"Hey Peter, do you have a card for if you transfered V.D. to somebody. Peter: Uhh lets see here...uhh yep, "Sorry I accidentally gave you V.D." Quagmire: Huh, that's all you have is accidental huh? All right I'll take it. *Quagmire: Oh, Lois, I'd do everything to you. Lois: What? Quagmire: I'd do anything for you. *Peter:Hey, guys! Check it out. Quagmire's trying to get lucky. Quagmire: Hey, gorgeous! You want to come home with me? Lady: I'm with my husband. Quagmire: Lose the zero, get with the hero! (Husband punches Quagmire.) Quagmire: Little violent for you, don't you think? (Husband punches Quagmire again.) Quagmire: I'll be right over there. *Chris: I don't think I like feet as much as you do. Quagmire: Everybody likes feet. *Quagmire: (to a lesbian) so any of you chicks been penetrated--- he gets kicked outside and lands outside of the club *''(Peter, Joe, Quagmire and Cleveland are checking out the survailence equipment in the new police van. Peter accidentally turns it up too high and Quagmires thoughts begin to come through their headsets.)'' :Quagmire (Thinking): Damn this itches. I wonder who gave it to me. Probably that skank who needed a ride to the gas station. Last time I do somebody a favor. (Eyes widen) Oh God, they must have heard me. OH GOD, I can hear me! (Begins frantically humming the ''Stars and Stripes Forever). *Random Woman: But you said we were going to get married! Quagmire: Yeah but i only said that so you would Gigoogity my Gishmoigen! Quagmire, Glenn Quagmire, Glenn *Brian (sniffing his crotch) "you had sex with two phillipeno women while on holiday in Thailand...and one man" Quagmire: " heh...you mean THREE phillepino women..." AKWARD PAUSE Quagmire: " OH GOD!! oh god NO!"